Are you afraid to be happy? Is there something in the back of your mind that makes you continually wait for something to go wrong when everything in your life seems to be working so well?
Well, it’s not uncommon for people to be constantly vigilant when it feels like life is giving you the good stuff because we’ve been trained from a young age to believe that it’s just not possible to have life hitting on all cylinders at the same time.
“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” “Every cloud has a silver lining.” “This too shall pass.” “It’s Murphy’s Law, everything that can go wrong will go wrong.” Any of these sound familiar?
The Number One Song
There’s a song that reached number one that sadly but beautifully embodies this sentiment. It’s called Beautiful Things and is performed by Benson Boone. Maybe you’ve even heard it. It’s got a catchy, soaring tune, and sometimes it will stick in your head for awhile. It certainly has in mine.
But once you’ve gone through the melody and get to the lyrics, you start to notice something. The song soulfully, mournfully worries about losing what you love most, in this case, primarily a person who is the singer’s true love. He thanks God for sending her to him, is thrilled that his parents love her, and feels peace and love. In his wotds, “And I think I might have it all.” What a great place to be in life, right?
Not So Fast
But, that’s only a few lines in the song. The hook, and the rest of the lyrics talk about something that hasn’t happened (and may never happen) but that the singer is much more focused on – losing her. The bridge says, “Oh, I hope I don’t lose you” followed by the chorus wailing, “Please stay…Oh, God, Don’t take these beautiful things that I’ve got.”
Wow. Can you imagine being so worried about losing what is good in your life that you spend more time worrying about losing them than you do enjoying them? Maybe you do. Maybe we all do. Maybe we have been programmed to believe that the joy we get in your life is “too good to be true.” When you look at it like that, straight on, doesn’t it seem so sad, such a waste?
Where Your Mind Goes…
The reality is that we all are made of energy, as is everything in the world. Not to get too woo-woo (this is science, after all) but according to quantum mechanics, matter and energy exist as vibrations at various frequencies. This is a fundamental aspect of reality. And it flows from here that the higher vibrations emit more energy, which we can think of as positive, while lower vibrations emit less energy. So if we spend all our time in the low energy, low vibration state, it’s going to negatively affect our higher energy or as the Beach Boys called it Good Vibrations.
Have you ever noticed that when you focus on something you notice it more in the world. For example, when you’re looking at a certain car to purchase, you suddenly notice them driving around everywhere. Or when you decide to stop eating fast food, all you see are hamburgers and fries, tacos, and fried chicken deals. This process is called “reticular activation.” It comes from a part of our brain that acts like a filter, deciding what information we receive from our senses it will send to our conscious awareness and what it will ignore. You might call it our personal radar system or focus.
So, if we focus on how great things are, we continue to filter out the bad things because that’s not what we’re actively giving our attention to. Conversely, if we’re so sure that things are going to go wrong, then we seek out all the things that prove our worry to be valid.
Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
You’ve probably heard about the idea of a self-fulfilling prophecy. That is, you think about something so much that you literally make it happen. The sad thing is, this can be somewhat true if your thinking in terms of your focus and the reticular activating system you have within you. Your mind will selectively determine what you see and what you ignore, proving you correct either way.
That being the case, wouldn’t it be better to focus on the good things? It might not make for as catchy a song, but wouldn’t it be preferable for the Beautiful Things singer to be grateful and delight in the love and other beautiful things he has in his life. I think he’d be a lot better off focused on his joy than claiming “there’s no man as terrified as the man who stands to lose you.”
Now, you might think that this is just a way to protect yourself from being crushed if the love of your life decides to leave you. But let me ask you this:
Would you rather spend time with someone who has fun, treasures every moment with you, and feels worthy and secure in your relationship or someone who spends more time being “terrified,” worrying about losing you and anything beautiful in his life?
Gratitude Is Not Joke
So, you’ve probably heard about people writing gratitude lists, keeping a gratitude journal, doing gratitude walks or gratitude meditations. There’s a reason this keeps coming up when you read about personal development. And that is, because it helps you keep your focus on the positive, good things in your life for which you are, and ought to be, grateful. Expressing gratitude to others is also a powerful tool for reinforcing the goodness in your life and getting that reticular activating system heading in the right direction. Where you put your focus is what you bring in more of to your life. What would you like to have more of? Love, laughter, friends, fun? Then express gratitude for those you already have and ask the universe for “more, please!”
Take It Easy On Yourself
Whether you’re struggling with challenges in your life today or you just want to bring more of the goo stuff your way, focus on what you are grateful for, write it down, put it in your journal, mention it at dinner, share it with your friends and family. Reinforce it however and whenever you can. We are creatures of habit. The more we do of something, the more likely we are to continue doing it.
I’d say, it’s well worth spending that higher vibration energy on getting more of it and sharing it with others. When you do, you’ll find that, just like fast food or the car you’re thinking of buying, it will be around you everywhere.
Are you in need of an attitude adjustment or learning some new tools about how to stay focused or positive in life. Check out my programs and see how you can begin to get and feel worthy of the life you want and deserve!