I moved to Portugal over four years ago. My motivations were complicated and far-reaching. Some of them included ideas I had when I was young, such as living in Europe, a hunger for adventure, enjoying travel easily, speaking another language.
But other reasons were much more adult. Wanting a slower pace of life, feeling safe both physically and mentally, and being in a more hospitable climate than that of the United States midwest.
A Certain Kind Of Knowing
Most of us have an image of ourselves that may reflect where and how we grew up, the values of our family and friends (or the direct opposite of them), and a sense of what type of person we want to be seen as by others. It’s sometimes easy to identify the image that others have of themselves. If they drive an expensive car, wear designer clothing and pricey jewelry, we get the idea they want us to have. On the other hand, if they wear old ripped jeans, faded t-shirts, roughed up hair and piercings, we can figure out what they’re trying to convey as well.
When we’re young, we often try on different “personas,” ways of presenting ourselves to others to see if we can find one that fits. That’s why parents can be heard uttering the well-worn phrase, “it’s just a phase,” with the belief that their rebellious teenager will grow out of the door-slamming, uncommunicative, glowering child they have become in favor of something more palatable to the parents.
People-pleasing behaviors also fall into this “try before you buy” personality too. But sometimes, the people who use this strategy get so used to the affirmation of meeting everyone else’s needs and expectations that they keep this persona throughout their life. Sometimes it works out, other times, not so much.
Going Toward Or Away From
The concept of behavior strategies tends to focus on two opposing motivations. People go toward something they desire, usually called the pleasure principle, or move away from something they do not want, also known as pain. It’s believed that the motivation away from pain is far stronger than the motivation toward pleasure. This can be seen in a lot of advertising that identifies a pain point or problem that people worry about and offers a solution for them. Sometimes, the description of the problem itself can even be painful, especially when put into visual terms. Some industries thrive year after year using this strategy and, even though their solutions are often not solutions at all, they still rake in the dough, so to speak.
So when I think of my own motivations for moving to Portugal, I realize there was a combination of going toward and away from intermixed. I was going toward a slower pace of life, with people and a culture I genuinely enjoy, and a safe, welcoming, warm environment. I was going away from a people and culture I felt increasingly disconnected from, crime and violence that began to unnerve me, and erratic economic and social changes that made me uncomfortable. Both types of motivation worked together enough to stimulate me to action. And, as for many, breaking out of the status quo is challenging. It takes a lot of energy to do the difficult work of change. But for me, it was worth it, and I am happy that I didn’t succumb to the usual belief that it’s too much work, so I’ll just stay put.
What David Bowie Understood
If you know me, you know I’m a David Bowie fan, and I’ve recently been absorbed in studying some of his ideas and influences beyond the music scene. Something he once said really resonated with me, and it helps explain, to my mind, the constant flow of challenges we have in making decisions, dealing with change, and sometimes even understanding what it is that we really want.
He said, “The truth is, of course, that we are arriving and departing all at the same time.”
When you think about your own life, isn’t that quite true? We are continually trying on new versions of us, whether intentionally or not, simply as human beings navigating our way through life. We are capable of so much, and yet at times we feel utterly helpless. Our ability to perceive what is going on around us and reflect it back in our own terms is something we do all the time. We make decisions based on where we are and where we would like to go – or where we would not like to go, if there’s a cost too high for our liking
Ziggy Stardust, Halloween Jack, Aladdin Sane, The Thin White Duke, Soul Man, and many other characters were part of Bowie’s collection. He tried them on, made music, and performance that those characters embodied at the time, then threw each one off and moved onto another. Ultimately, he seemed to enjoy being a husband, father, and pushing his creativity through himself, rather than any particular character. Perhaps that was his ultimate “going toward” motivation.
What About You?
So, when considering what motivates you, what you strive to see and be in your own life, where are you at? Are you still trying on personas or characters? Have you settled into just being yourself, whatever that may mean to you? Are you stuck somewhere in between, and trying to find the tools to help you move from chrysalis to butterfly?
It’s an interesting question, this idea of becoming. Sometimes we stumble through a whole lot of ugliness to get to the beauty we desire. Most of us do not do so in a public forum or for a living, in which all our steps and missteps are reviewed and analyzed. That can provide some comfort, but it doesn’t provide answers. Only we can do that for ourselves.
But if you have an idea of where you are and where you want to go, transformational technologies, such as hypnotherapy, EFT, mindfulness, meditation, coaching, NLP, and others can help you through that process of change, sometimes with lightning speed. It’s one of the reasons I became so fascinated by them and now devote myself to helping other people using them.
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
I went through many changes in my life to get to the point where I am comfortable in my own skin, making choices based on my desires and what is best for me and my life. It didn’t happen overnight, and there were certainly many influential people who helped me learn not to be afraid to learn about myself. And some of what I learned came from exploring what my subconscious programming was and adjusting what did not serve me well. It was and continues to be a rewarding part of my own evolution.
If you’re interested in experiencing your own evolution, please get in touch. I can personalize a program for you based on what you’d like to see in your life, and I have several programs already designed to address some of the more common issues we all face along the way. It would be my honor to help you become the person you want to be. Check out my programs today. “Still don’t know what I was waiting for…” Don’t wait.