I recently had the unexpected opportunity to reconnect with someone I knew when I was growing up. We have been mostly out of touch since a couple of years after high school when many people move on to shape the substance of their future lives.
He sent me a direct message response to a happy birthday wish I had sent last year on Facebook (I think FB is still good for communicating with those far away). Since it was his birthday again, I wished him happy birthday once more and said that he was quite on time this year.
Commenting that he enjoyed reading my updates about travel and life in Portugal, I realized that he knew more about me than I did about him. I asked what he was up to and, he didn’t say much. Just that he was mostly living in Hawaii and doing well. That was enough for me.
The Power of Memories
What I realized through our exchange was how many memories of high school I had that were tied up with my friend as well as other friends, and even family that were so much a part of my life at that time. I thought about all the fun we had, the silly tricks we played on teachers, the ways we broke into groups and had names for all the other groups. How we took photos, played sports, held leadership positions, and had images of ourselves that were perhaps different than those we developed in the years since.
In high school, it seemed, anything was possible and everything within our reach. My friend had already started a successful entrepreneurial venture. I was writing daily and had won some competitions with my words. Other friends were establishing themselves as competitive athletes, debate masters, and political or social activists. Even our teachers seemed to have humanity and heart, despite their prickly rules such as “No Bears On Desk,” as I was scolded when we had a dress-up day in which people brought favorite stuffed animals, and “No Pizza Until After Exams,” as we were admonished for ordering pizzas delivered to class in an attempt to substitute a pizza party for a final.
My personal memories include having a group of friends who occasionally plotted “snatch breakfasts” where instigators would go to the homes of their friends very early in the morning (parents had been forewarned) to drag them out to breakfast at a local diner in their pajamas. Or watching future rock stars perform at the student talent show.
But most of what I remember was a feeling of being okay and of knowing I was not alone. Not everyone has that experience in high school. Not everyone has that experience after high school either. There are times when we look back and wonder how did we get through it all. And other times when we think, why can’t we go back to then, when I was happier than I am now. Things were easier. Life was simpler. But was it really?
Challenges Then And Now
There were certainly plenty of challenges back in high school too. Difficult exams, and later those challenging pre-college tests. Heartaches and losses, whether a love interest or a football game, we didn’t win every time. Well, most of us didn’t anyway. Parents rarely understood us (so we thought) and betrayals happened as much in our minds as in reality. How did we ever get through it?
Well, that’s the ebb and flow of life. One phase inevitably leads to another. From high school we moved on either to college or the working world, discovering new friends, new stresses, new challenges. All of them taking up our hearts and minds at the time, leaving high school considerations far behind. And then on to the next phase, and the next. Each one becoming our sole focus, with its own joys and challenges, victories and defeats. And whether we realize it or not, the path to the phase we’re in right now has been paved by all the phases that came before it.
It’s easy to become overwhelmed as an adult with all the responsibilities, stresses, disappointments, and fears that find us daily. But it’s important to take a breath, step back, and realize, we’ve had this feeling before, probably several times, in our lives. And yet, we’re still standing, right here, right now. And we can thank our past for teaching us the kind of resilience and optimism, the creative problem-solving and resourcefulness that helped us make it this far.
Your life or my life today may look nothing like what we imagined it would back in high school. But that’s how funny life can be. As much as we try to plan exactly what our life will be, it rarely works out that way. Sometimes, wonderful things happen that we couldn’t possibly have imagined. Opportunities come up we would never expect. Our talents and skills lead us to fulfilling purposes and work we had no idea would capture our interest. Special people touch us, teach us, and influence us, sometimes changing even our deepest held beliefs.
And that is called growth. It’s not something to be afraid of. It’s something to be cherished. As much fun as I had in high school, and how nice it was to reminisce when reconnecting with my old friend, I know that I am where I’m supposed to be in my life today. That doesn’t mean my life is perfect. Far from it. But it is the result of what I learned, who I met, and how I evolved along the way. I’m the sum total of all my experiences. And so are you.
Recall The Past To Win The Future
So my thought for you is this one. Reconnect with your past. Contact an old friend, look at old photos, think about who you were and what you were doing in a part of your past that you may have some nostalgia for. Were there circumstances you thought insurrmountable that you overcame? Events that changed the way you feel today? People who have come and gone or stayed around that have impacted you one way or another?
Take time to think about your past. Look at it through the lens of where you’ve been since that time. Is there anything you’ve learned, about the world or about yourself, lessons that are worth revisiting today? Have you changed in the phases you’ve experienced since then – career goals, personal dreams, accomplishments, ideas?
Think about the next phase that will be coming in your life. Will you be adding to your family or emptying the nest? Taking on new career ambitions or preparing for retirement? Do you plan to make a move, start something new, finish something that’s been left undone?
Whatever phase of life you are in now, try to reconnect with those that came before it. You will see yourself with a new perspective, one that can help you shape a better future.
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