If you’ve read my “About Me” section, you already know that I am continually researching, learning and stretching my skills as a subconscious behaviorist. Some of the concepts I have discovered along the way have enriched my understanding of human nature beyond my wildest expectations. Don’t you love that I can genuinely say that? I sure do.

One of the most mind-blowing discoveries I’ve run across comes from Dr. John Kappas, founder of the Hypnosis Motivation Institute (HMI), the first hypnotherapy college in America to become nationally accredited by the U.S. Department of Education. He also defined hypnotherapy as a distinct profession for the Federal Dictionary of Occupational Titles. But perhaps most notably he was at one time married to Florence Henderson. Yes, THE Florence Henderson, mother of the Brady Bunch on television during my formative years. Here’s something else that will make you a trivia rockstar at your next dinner party…Florence Henderson is a certified hypnotist. Yep, you heard it here first.

So anyway, what is this amazing relationship secret that I learned from Dr. Kappas? Well, there’s a reason you choose the partners you do and that you repeat the same patterns time and again. Much of your behavior has been determined from childhood and your subconscious mind holds on to that programming, guiding your attractions throughout your life.

There’s quite a bit to his theory, but here’s the basic outline. The first dynamic is about how you accept communication. From birth until you are about 8 years old, if your primary caretaker, whether a mother or someone else, is consistent between what she says and what she does, you tend to believe what people tell you, accepting them at face value. If mom is inconsistent during this timeframe, for example, she tells you she loves you while sending you to bed without supper, then you tend to read between the lines searching for what people “really” mean.

The second dynamic develops from about ages 9 to 14. Here, your secondary caretaker’s behavior is most important. This could be a second parent, stepparent, older sibling, or anyone who is second in command of your parenting during this time. This person’s behavior affects how you interact with the rest of the world. If your secondary caretaker is demonstrative, affectionate, and forthcoming, then you tend to be that way too. If that person is reserved, withdrawn, uncommunicative, or insular, guess who tends to follow in those footsteps? Yep, that would be you.

When you understand that everyone has these two characteristics in their relational personality, and you learn to identify them accurately, you can practically see them coming. And, when you throw in the knowledge that in the best relationships, opposites usually do attract, you have a recipe for improved relationships on every level.

Of course, there are lots of elements and a few monkey wrenches thrown into this comprehensive system, but imagine understanding why your partner is exhausted by going to parties while you feel energized and alive. Wouldn’t that prevent a disagreement or two? How about knowing why your counterparty in a negotiation will not believe you when you say that you have reached your bottom line? What if everyone in your company had these skills? Powerful, powerful stuff.

Recognizing the subconscious traits that cause people to act the way they do is just the tip of the iceberg provided by understanding relationship strategies. Learning a three-step process for understanding, predicting, and ultimately shaping behavior to build successful relationships is potentially life-altering.


Imagine how much you could do with this powerful information under your command. Have I gotten you interested in learning more? I have a Relationship Strategies program based on these principles that will help you enjoy your relationships and understand them even more.